Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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