I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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