I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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