I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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