I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i have two assholes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
