it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
