It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
