Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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