There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
