doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize