you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
