you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
