between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
