I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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