i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
