I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
