Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
