you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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