so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
