We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
