Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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