Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
