I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
