Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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