I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
