I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i drank out of a bidet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
