I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
