she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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