Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
