Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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