Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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