can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
