my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
