there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
