Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
