why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize