So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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