She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
