im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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