i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
