Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
