It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
