At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
