Define "chronic" masturbator.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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