Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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