I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
