Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

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(425): View more from Washington

I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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(936): View more from Texas

So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward

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(913): View more from Kansas

He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.

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(760): View more from California

You did not just play the dead husband card again.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

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(703): View more from Virginia

Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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(434): View more from Virginia

He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.

(1-416): View more from Toronto

Yea, I had a bad night too aha

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