Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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