Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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