Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize