woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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