bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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