just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ok first of all what the fuck
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
