it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need a beard to bite.
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