I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
