Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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