The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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