so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
