Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
