the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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