Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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