; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
