I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
