I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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