we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
