took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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