she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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