did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
