I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
