I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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