her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im holly from the hills drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
