i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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