Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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