do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sober January is a disaster.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
