Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
