I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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