i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
