If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
