So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
