go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
