We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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