DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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