When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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