I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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