He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
