I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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