woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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