i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
