Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
