you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
