Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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