A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
