That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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