i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
two words: eviction party
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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