I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
