I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
