She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
