Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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