he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
