Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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