He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
