Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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