I showed him my bush... on skype.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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