Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
