You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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