dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
