And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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