hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
