I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So squirting runs in the family.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
