dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
