oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
