i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
