TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
