I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
